I thought I was happy; in love and unstoppable. You know, that "on top of the world" kind of feeling. Invincible. I didn't think I could be any happier than I was, which in reality wasn't all that happy.
I lived thinking I was as happy as I was ever going to get and fell into a habit of accepting the unhappiness. I was easily depressed, and the amount of stress and anxiety I felt was constantly high. Every day I told myself I was going to live life happier and eliminate the negative moods, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't shake it.
I was in a toxic relationship; we simply weren't good for each other. We fought often and never resolved our problems. We fed off of the problems and anxiety within our relationship. It eventually pushed us both to a place that scared us. I hadn't realized how bad it had gotten and was brushing off the fear. We were digging a deep hole that we almost couldn't get out of.
One day, he gained the strength to get out; reached up, grabbed the edge and pulled himself out of the hole, leaving me behind. I was in too deep; I couldn't pull myself out in that moment. Honestly, I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in the dark underground because I refused to accept it was over. It took me time, but I finally let people who cared for me help me out of my hole and into the light.
It's hard to admit, but I'm thankful for him ending our relationship when he did. In that moment, I wasn't strong enough to let go of him or my future I had planned. I was holding on to everything so tightly, I couldn't let it go. I needed it to be pried from my hands, and it was. Had he not ended it then, we may still be where we were.
In the past 6 weeks I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned to be alone and also a better version of myself. I've learned to be positive again and not give into the negativity as often as before. I've lost any depression I had and reduced my anxiety to barely existent. I still have my moments, but I have progressed a lot in this short time.
I've finally started to become the person I knew was hiding inside and let her out. I've found who I truly am, who I was all along but just didn't know it. I'm able to be the me I longed to be. I'm me, and I'm happy.
Ah, the reset button. When your hair dryer randomly won't work, hit reset. When you're losing a level horribly in a game, RESET! When your computer is a piece of shit, reset it first, then smash it.
We all love the reset button; it gives us the fresh start we need in our current situation. We satisfactorily hit restart, breathe in deeply, and begin again with less worries. It feels great, actually amazing. You could say we even overuse the reset button time to time just to get that feeling.
Sadly in life, not everything has a reset button (although we wish they did!) We sometimes wish life had a reset button for the days we just need a do over; a day that is going to shit quick, and we just wanna quit. We wanna hit that button and say, "ok, time to retry that one more time." More than anything else, our brains need a reset button.
Our brains are wired to recognize patterns and fall into habits. When we see or experience a constant pattern, our mind falls into this habit where we get used to these repeated actions. As someone can fall into a habit of smoking a cigarette after each meal, we can fall into a similar habit, like not trusting anyone. If someone constantly lies to us, we start to think everyone may be lying. If we are hurt by one person, we believe everyone will hurt us.
Our mind may not have a physical reset button we can press when we need it, but we need to invent a mental one for ourselves. We can't control the patterns our minds create, but we can begin the mental process of minimizing the effect the pattern has in our lives.
As our mind starts to put together the pattern, we have to mentally hit the reset button to avoid unnecessary hurt and future problems. Just because someone hurt us in the past doesn't mean we should let ourselves think that everyone else will be the same.
After we have been lied to, hurt by someone, or treated a certain way, we need to hit our reset button right away. We can't shelter ourselves from the world just because one or two people decided to treat us poorly. We must stop our mind from the habit of feeling afraid to let someone new in. Not everyone will treat us the same, and we need to take the risk and accept others into our lives.
Even though it's difficult for us to stop our mind from instinctively feeling and thinking a certain reaction, we can put an end to constantly thinking that way. If we tell our minds often enough to stray from a pattern, it will become easier to keep those bad thoughts at bay.
Creating a mental reset button for our mind will help open our life to more possibilities than we had before. Where we would have been afraid to trust someone before, the reset button we imagine can tell us to forget the past and let someone new take the place of the old. We have no way of knowing if someone will treat us right, but we have to take the risk. After all, we have our reset button just in case.
When an important event in your life ends or you lose someone you care for, you need closure. Closure is what brings you that sense of peace and serenity that everything will be ok. It helps you move on with your life and from the situation. It brings an end to one thing, opening a door for new things to enter.
Sometimes, we don't get closure. What happens when you don't get the closure that you need? How do you find that closure when you weren't prepared for the situation? Moving on without closure isn't easy to do what so ever, but maybe that's what needs to be done.
After assessing the situation you are in and have figured out what your closure needs to be, it is then time to take steps toward closing that book. As we may be a part of that book, we don't always get to be the author of it. We can try our hardest to be the writer and control our closure, but we may not be granted that luxury.
In some instances, we cannot choose whether we get the closure we feel we need or not. Often in our book of life, we have several authors, people we have let into it, and they also have control of the same book. They may not feel the same as we do and so we only have part of the control of the situation. With that being said, they can stand in our way and we will not get what we need.
We may not get the closure we feel we need and deserve. If that is the case, we have to dig deep and find a different way to move on from what we are going through. An alternate option may not be what we want or even what we truly need, but what else can we do?
We can't control everything and everyone. We don't always get what we want. We don't always get what we need either. In life, we have to take what we get and the make the best of what we got.
If you feel you didn't get the closure in your situation that you wanted, don't give up. There is a way and you will find it eventually. You can't lose hope, because hope is what will get you through.
After being dumped, you start to question a lot about yourself. What's wrong with me? Am I that bad to be around? Am I ugly, annoying, needy, boring, flat out undesirable? What is it?
The answers are NO and NOTHING. For whatever reason, this person wants nothing to do with you and lost interest in the relationship. They leave and move on like its nothing. They start a new life without you. Well, that's their problem.
We should not wonder what's wrong with us, but know that it's not us. The problem was we were dating the wrong person and that's not our fault.
It's hard to tell who is right for us and who is not. You can spend years with a person thinking the relationship won't end and wake up one day to it being over. We can't blame ourselves for the ending of the relationship just because it wasn't meant to be. We, instead, must accept that it's over and be open to the future.
The ending of a relationship is not the end of the world, although it feels that way at first. We can think and rethink about everything we may have done, but it doesn't change a damn thing. It's time to move on and make some realizations.
Just because you weren't right for one person, does not mean you're wrong for everyone. Life is all about the lessons, so would we be learning without making a few mistakes first?
Don't give up and get down because it's over. The future holds so many unforeseen events and people that we would miss out on if we give in to the questions jumbled in our head.
Someone may not be the right person for you, but there's a good chance someone out there is. Don't let that person effect your future, they are now just a thing in the past.
People and our relationships with them affect us deeply. The closer we are to someone, the easier it is for them to hurt us. The closer we are, the deeper and longer the hurt will linger.
We fool ourselves into thinking a person can no longer affect us; we've moved past the hurt and onto bigger and better things. Then we see, hear, or think something that touches us, in an awful, soul crushing way that we forgot we could feel. Something happens that reopens the wound we thought had healed. We forget that these wounds don't heal over night.
The feeling of ultimate pain comes rushing back and we are suddenly overcome with it. We can't move, we can't even begin to think any sort of rational thought. With a thousand irrational thoughts flooding our mind, we are forced to be paralyzed until we find the strength deep inside us, deeper than the wound, to move from where we lay.
As we pick up the pieces of our dignity and pride off the floor, we start to piece ourselves back together to our regular state. We seal the wound back shut, we start the process all over again. This time seems a little different though.
This time, the wound is not quite as deep as it was the first time. It had time to begin the healing process before it was reopened. We smile, just a little, at the thought that we are that much closer to healing. The wound is still there, still fresh, but it's disappearing; slowly but surely.
Every time we are hurt, the hurt will not always just go away. Pain lingers, deep pain lingers longer. We have to be patient and know that the pain will not always be there on the surface and won't always hurt so deeply. As time moves on, so do we. As we move on, we heal ourselves, faster each day.
The people we are closest to will always have this affect over us. The pain is excruciating, but it's not forever. We eventually heal ourselves and are prepared for the next pain the world will inflict on us.
Chelsea Blake: My views on life and writing whatever my heart desires.