It's a normal day and you're out to lunch with some friends; catching up and relaxing on your day off. You get a message from one of your bestest, oldest friends who lives hours away from you. You open it and it reads "I'm engaged!" You're overcome with emotions; happiness, a hint of jealousy, excitement. Even in your shocked state of mind, you respond with so many question at hand; where!?, how!?, give me all the details.
As you listen to the amazing story of how she got engaged, you think in the back of your head, "I'm in her wedding right? I have to be a bridesmaid." You don't say a word though, why would you ever want to put your friend under that kind of pressure. This is her wedding, her big day, do not ask/assume aloud to her that you will be one. Be courteous and wait, impatiently.
It's confirmed! You received the package asking you to join her on her big day. You are a bridesmaid in your best friends wedding which you dreamed about since you were a young girl. You knew you'd be by her side on her big day, but it's better not to assume so.
You have duties now. It is your job to get your shit together and be there for her every step of the way. She needs you at 2am to help with a crisis, be there.
Before you even accept this responsibility, you must ask yourself, "Can I mentally and financially do this?"
Being a bridesmaid isn't all fun and games.
There is plenty of planning and money that is put into your job, you should never say yes unless you can 100% do this. When you accept to be apart of the wedding, you are saying you will give time and X amount of money for this wedding. You will need to be there for decisions, dress fittings, parties, planning, and of course, the big day.
The bride will not expect you to be rich,
she herself is probably budgeting for the wedding. You do need to realize though that she will ask of you to spend some money, it's in the job description. You will need anywhere between $100-$500 for your dress, then account in for shoes, alterations, hair and makeup; you may or may not have to buy all of these.
You also need to account for wedding location and parties.
Travel and lodging funds can add up, but there should be plenty of time to save up! Depending on the bride there can be several parties to attend. These parties are Engagement, Bridal, and Bachelorette. The engagement party and bridal shower will both require a gift; use judgement on what gift for which party. The bachelorette party will not, however you will need to spend the most here because you will be paying for most of it. You should also have a gift for the wedding, this gift will be the biggest and most appropriate gift for the bride and groom.You may also need to buy dresses for the party if you do not have ones you can rewear.
It can be a lot of money.
Luckily, the wedding should be at least a year away. This should be enough time to save money here and there to afford your duty. If you cannot afford it, do not say yes. The last thing you want to do is put pressure on the bride when you tell her over and over that you are too poor to pay for everything. Have a private conversation with her and see if you two can figure something out!
Don't forget patience and support.
When saying yes to being a bridesmaid, you must also know that you will need patience. Be patient with the bride and the other bridesmaids, it will go a long way. You will also be a support system. Be positive and open to all decisions and suggestions that the bride has. If there is a crisis or the bride just needs someone to vent to about the pressure and stress of the wedding, it's now your job to be there for her and fix the situation.
Be ready to take on anything.
Speeches, taking care of drunken groomsmen, helping out family members, decorating; you have to take on all tasks. No matter what size the task, you gotta do it.
Can you do it? Say yes!
If you feel you are able to take on all of these responsibilities, say yes! It is now time to be bridesmaid; through the fun times and the stressful. For better or worse, richer or poorer. You may now say I do!!
When you were little, the one law every kid abided by was the pinky promise. If you pinky promised someone they could have your chocolate bar the next day, that was it. Done deal. If you didn't hand over the chocolate the following day you were a liar and a cheater.
Even as adults, we continue on with the pinky promise law. If you promise someone anything at all, we all take that to heart. The same as when we were kids, if a promise is broken, we are hurt and hold that person responsible for not keeping their promise. Promises will always be important to us.
That being said, promises and trust are huge in our day to day relationships. Breaking a promise might as well be kissing the trust of someone you love goodbye. I would assume a normal human being would consider promises and trust to be important and valued in their relationships.
Compromise. This word contains the word promise within it. You might be thinking "where is she going with this?" No worries, I'm here to explain my reasoning.
I was thinking about compromises we make in our lives on any given day. We make compromises within our jobs, with our families, our friends, our lovers, or maybe even someone on the street. Our lives are not perfect; we don't get everything we want, when we want it, and how we want it. If you think about it, we are comprising every day even about the smallest of things.
So, linking the two together. When we propose a compromise in our life, we are, in a way, making some sort of a promise to ourselves that we can't have it our way exactly, but we can let some things slide. We are also "promising" the other person/thing that we will understand that every thing is not our way and will do what we can to come to a mutual agreement.
I say "promise" because in this instance we are not making a complete promise. If this promise is broken, it is way more understandable and not endangering anyone's trust. With a compromise, we are stating that we will meet someone half way to the best of our abilities, and that they will do the same.
Maybe it's just me, but I think this makes total sense. Think about this the next time you make a compromise to meet a friend for lunch, or promise someone you will meet them for a drink next weekend. Does it make sense in your life as I have seemed to connect it to mine?
Chelsea Blake: My views on life and writing whatever my heart desires.