Ok, so you're in your 20s, and let's also say you're single. You've lived out half of your 20s and have watched your friends and acquaintances your age get married, receive promotions at their dream jobs, and pop out kid or two. Here you are though, slaving away at the job you don't care much for, going home at night to spend time with yourself (or if you're lucky a night with your friends,) to cuddle yourself to sleep just to wake up and do it all again. Yes, I'm talking about my life.
I'm not afraid to admit that I've compared myself to friends and others who are "further" in their lives than I am. Looking at their lives, I would, and still sometimes do, wonder why I'm not there yet. I ask myself, " what did I do in order to fall so behind in life?" Then within the next breath, mentally slap myself across for the face for even letting my mind go there.
Behind in life? Chelsea, what are you even saying? Like, we are not on a strict timeline here where we must be married by this age or we are doomed to be single for life. That's not how life works.
Ok yes, it does seem like a lot of people fall into a certain age range to do the whole marriage and kids thing. That does not mean we all fall into that slot though. Who said being average or " on time" was cool? Certainly not me.
We live in a different time, a different generation. Sure we have friends our age who stick true to the average timeline I've mentioned, but it's ok not to. It is much more acceptable in this day and age to stay single through your 20s than say 50 years ago. The times change and so do we.
Look, our lives all play out differently. We never know what will happen next or even what's right around the corner waiting for us. Comparing ourselves to others is only going to set us back mentally and refrain us from having a good time and moving forward in life. Getting stuck in a rut is the last thing we want at our age. Once we get stuck, it's just all that much harder to get out.
So I'm here to tell you, you are where you are supposed to be in life. Do not let someone else's timeline affect your outlook on your own life. Yes, we may want our lives to be different than they are at this point in life, but we cannot rush that. Also, why rush? We have our entire lives ahead of us to accomplish our goals and wants. There is no reason we have to complete everything before we turn 30. Pump the brakes, sit back for a moment, and enjoy your damn life with where it is right now.
The next time you even try to look at your life and get down about where it is in that moment, remember that you are not alone in thinking that. Remind yourself that you are young and you do have time. Being happy with where you are in life is very important in being able to achieve the next goal you set out to complete. You will get there, all in due time.
Ah, the reset button. When your hair dryer randomly won't work, hit reset. When you're losing a level horribly in a game, RESET! When your computer is a piece of shit, reset it first, then smash it.
We all love the reset button; it gives us the fresh start we need in our current situation. We satisfactorily hit restart, breathe in deeply, and begin again with less worries. It feels great, actually amazing. You could say we even overuse the reset button time to time just to get that feeling.
Sadly in life, not everything has a reset button (although we wish they did!) We sometimes wish life had a reset button for the days we just need a do over; a day that is going to shit quick, and we just wanna quit. We wanna hit that button and say, "ok, time to retry that one more time." More than anything else, our brains need a reset button.
Our brains are wired to recognize patterns and fall into habits. When we see or experience a constant pattern, our mind falls into this habit where we get used to these repeated actions. As someone can fall into a habit of smoking a cigarette after each meal, we can fall into a similar habit, like not trusting anyone. If someone constantly lies to us, we start to think everyone may be lying. If we are hurt by one person, we believe everyone will hurt us.
Our mind may not have a physical reset button we can press when we need it, but we need to invent a mental one for ourselves. We can't control the patterns our minds create, but we can begin the mental process of minimizing the effect the pattern has in our lives.
As our mind starts to put together the pattern, we have to mentally hit the reset button to avoid unnecessary hurt and future problems. Just because someone hurt us in the past doesn't mean we should let ourselves think that everyone else will be the same.
After we have been lied to, hurt by someone, or treated a certain way, we need to hit our reset button right away. We can't shelter ourselves from the world just because one or two people decided to treat us poorly. We must stop our mind from the habit of feeling afraid to let someone new in. Not everyone will treat us the same, and we need to take the risk and accept others into our lives.
Even though it's difficult for us to stop our mind from instinctively feeling and thinking a certain reaction, we can put an end to constantly thinking that way. If we tell our minds often enough to stray from a pattern, it will become easier to keep those bad thoughts at bay.
Creating a mental reset button for our mind will help open our life to more possibilities than we had before. Where we would have been afraid to trust someone before, the reset button we imagine can tell us to forget the past and let someone new take the place of the old. We have no way of knowing if someone will treat us right, but we have to take the risk. After all, we have our reset button just in case.
When an important event in your life ends or you lose someone you care for, you need closure. Closure is what brings you that sense of peace and serenity that everything will be ok. It helps you move on with your life and from the situation. It brings an end to one thing, opening a door for new things to enter.
Sometimes, we don't get closure. What happens when you don't get the closure that you need? How do you find that closure when you weren't prepared for the situation? Moving on without closure isn't easy to do what so ever, but maybe that's what needs to be done.
After assessing the situation you are in and have figured out what your closure needs to be, it is then time to take steps toward closing that book. As we may be a part of that book, we don't always get to be the author of it. We can try our hardest to be the writer and control our closure, but we may not be granted that luxury.
In some instances, we cannot choose whether we get the closure we feel we need or not. Often in our book of life, we have several authors, people we have let into it, and they also have control of the same book. They may not feel the same as we do and so we only have part of the control of the situation. With that being said, they can stand in our way and we will not get what we need.
We may not get the closure we feel we need and deserve. If that is the case, we have to dig deep and find a different way to move on from what we are going through. An alternate option may not be what we want or even what we truly need, but what else can we do?
We can't control everything and everyone. We don't always get what we want. We don't always get what we need either. In life, we have to take what we get and the make the best of what we got.
If you feel you didn't get the closure in your situation that you wanted, don't give up. There is a way and you will find it eventually. You can't lose hope, because hope is what will get you through.
People and our relationships with them affect us deeply. The closer we are to someone, the easier it is for them to hurt us. The closer we are, the deeper and longer the hurt will linger.
We fool ourselves into thinking a person can no longer affect us; we've moved past the hurt and onto bigger and better things. Then we see, hear, or think something that touches us, in an awful, soul crushing way that we forgot we could feel. Something happens that reopens the wound we thought had healed. We forget that these wounds don't heal over night.
The feeling of ultimate pain comes rushing back and we are suddenly overcome with it. We can't move, we can't even begin to think any sort of rational thought. With a thousand irrational thoughts flooding our mind, we are forced to be paralyzed until we find the strength deep inside us, deeper than the wound, to move from where we lay.
As we pick up the pieces of our dignity and pride off the floor, we start to piece ourselves back together to our regular state. We seal the wound back shut, we start the process all over again. This time seems a little different though.
This time, the wound is not quite as deep as it was the first time. It had time to begin the healing process before it was reopened. We smile, just a little, at the thought that we are that much closer to healing. The wound is still there, still fresh, but it's disappearing; slowly but surely.
Every time we are hurt, the hurt will not always just go away. Pain lingers, deep pain lingers longer. We have to be patient and know that the pain will not always be there on the surface and won't always hurt so deeply. As time moves on, so do we. As we move on, we heal ourselves, faster each day.
The people we are closest to will always have this affect over us. The pain is excruciating, but it's not forever. We eventually heal ourselves and are prepared for the next pain the world will inflict on us.
Dreams; they're the life-like stories that play in our heads while we sleep, like a free movie. Some dreams are wonderful; we're flying over the world or we're eating the world's largest pizza. Some are nightmares; we're terrified, running from something and trying to cry out a scream. The other dreams, well those are the ones that are the most terrifying; they're the ones we try to analyze.
You can search what your dreams mean all over the internet and you'll get some answers. You find out that dream you had where your teeth were falling out was caused by the current stress that has been overcoming your life. As for the dreams you can't research, you're gonna have to come up with your own answers.
Dreams are so crazy and interesting. Do we dream about certain things because in the back of our mind, we were thinking about it anyway? Are dreams our key to the future, guiding us to answers we will soon be looking for? Could it be possible that mean nothing to us?
I like to analyze my dreams, maybe a little more than I should. When I wake up from a dream, I'm all over it. Why did I dream it? Was I currently thinking about any of the dream? Is this dream out of no where?
I start my search for my answer. Maybe the answer is easy, right under my nose, and I figure out where it came from. Other times, I'm stumped. The answer is unclear and I dwell on what that dream could mean. Dreams always mean something right?
No, I don't think they always do, however, you know when they do. You wake up with so many unanswered questions you need answers. Here's the thing, sometime the answer isn't right there. Sometimes you got to do your waiting.
Weirdly enough, I have learned that if you wait long enough, your dream can be answered. Just when I think it is useless, a strange string of events occur that lead me to some kind of answer. Be prepared, the answer isn't always what you may want it to be.
So whether you're dreaming of a lady trying to force you to eat Ramen noodles, or your dreams are a bit more serious, figure out if they mean something. After all, your thoughts may create a pretty great story.
Dream on, my friends.
Chelsea Blake: My views on life and writing whatever my heart desires.