I've seen way too many inaccurate posts over the past few days for Fifty Shades of Grey. It's been driving me crazy with all these accusations and opinions people have with this book/movie (not to mention, most people haven't seen the movie yet) and they are just silly. So today, I'm going to go over why I think certain people are taking it too far.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ANY SPOILERS ABOUT THE FIRST BOOK, MAYBE THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND, YOU SHOULD NOT CONTINUE. I DON'T PLAN TO GO INTO MUCH MORE DETAIL THAN THE MOVIE TRAILER SHOWS.
So some of the things I've been reading about are how Fifty Shades of Grey is promoting sexual violence and abuse. Uhm what?! These people have clearly not read the book or understood it what-so-ever.
Fifty Shades is about a man who likes a dominance/submission type of "relationship" coming from the abuse he did suffer while he was a child. Having submissive partners is a way for Christian Grey to express the emotions he has built up, while performing sexual acts.
1. This type of behavior has been around for at least 100 years.
This can be a lifestyle choice, or even just random acts of sex for a relationship looking to experiment. People choose this life for themselves and have a say in it. If they are taken advantage of, then yes, that is considered sexual violence or abuse.
2. Because it's a life choice..
You can't throw your opinions about how you're not ok with it and determine that the whole act is bad. People choose this, you don't have to like their choices, but respect them. Calling it abuse is just being incorrect.
3. Did you even read it? These are facts.
If you read the book, it clearly spells out that Mr. Grey has contracts made up for his submissives. These contracts are arranged so that the sub knows what will happening going into this special relationship. They also must sign that they agree. Ana does not like everything about the contract, so does she sign it right then and there? No. She agrees to any "punishments" he goes for. She realizes she doesn't really like it at first but she did say yes originally.
4. Sexual violence
This is unwanted! There is no indication through the book that someone is receiving any unwanted sexual acts. At the time, they agree. Again, because you do not agree with this does not make you right. Not everyone loves vanilla 24/7.
5. It does turn into a relationship
If you actually read on, Ana and Christian care for each other. Even though Christian has been in this specific lifestyle for a long time, he is willing to adjust for this girl he deeply cares for. Am I getting into the second book a little? I'm not sure. Also, Ana is willing to try new things for her man. All consensual here.
6. Why it's not promoting sexual violence
Are you one of those people who strongly believe that video games such as Grand Theft Auto turn normal kids into murderers? Then I can see why you are poorly judging this book/movie. As those games don't bring out a monster that wasn't already there, this movie is not going to bring out a bondage loving guy/girl that isn't already there. Sure, it shows a different type of relationship, but in no way does it promote violating people who don't want it too.
7. Shoving your opinions and beliefs down throats
Stop it. It's obvious that you're not ok with these acts, why else would you be so objective and loud? You can try all you want to make people think this movie is only going bring people to think sexual violence against the unwilling is ok, but most won't listen.
Do yourself a favor, read the book, and I'm gonna go ahead and say watch the movie. I'm sure it's like the book. All people in the book and movie are aware of what is going on and are not experiencing unwanted violent acts.
You may like vanilla, but sometimes you gotta try the rocky road.
For all the How I Met Your Mother fans out there, you already know what I'm talking about. For the unfortunate souls who haven't watched this wonderful show, I'll explain it to you.
The front porch test is a method the character Lily uses to determine whether or not her friend Ted should or should not be with a girl he is dating forever.
How the front porch test is performed: You imagine yourself old, on a front porch, sipping tea and playing bridge (or a card game you actually understand, HIMYM fans, rightttt?) You imagine yourself there with the person you're dating, for Lily and husband Marshall, you imagine your friend and their lover with the two of you. To pass the test, the person must be someone you can imagine there and be happy with.
My theory, you can use the front porch test on most of your friendships and relationships. Can you see this person being your friend, chillin on the front porch sipping wine? Do you see your current partner old with you, holding hands on a porch swing watching the sunset?
This test is guaranteed to work. Here is why this test is really perfect.
You're looking into the future.
This test forces you to take a look into the future. That is a big way to determine whether or not someone will always be in your life. If you can see them in your future, they pass the test.
You're thinking more seriously.
Along with looking into the future, you are figuring out if you care enough to have this person there when you're old and gray. This will determine the seriousness of your current relationship. You don't have to end it, but if you're looking for only people who pass the test, there you go.
You know where you stand.
Testing the front porch theory, you will see where you are at in your life and with your relationships with people. You'll be able to tell if you're ready to settle down or if you just want to have fun still. The test will help you understand if you want to settle yet, or if you're still down to get around.
You know if someone is right or not for you.
This test can help you figure out if you've been dating the wrong person this whole time. If you can't see them on that imaginary front porch with you, maybe you shouldn't be with this person. Having your friends test it out is also a good way to double check. If they also can't see this person on this front porch, then it must be time to move on and find your old mate.
I stand behind this theory. HIMYM has taught me a lot, and the front porch test is definitely something I can get behind. What's the harm, give it a try.
I will be the first to admit, I know what it's like to be lost; depressed, angry, and lonely. I'm not going to act like I have everything together or have all the answers.
The truth is, my life is a mess. I'm 22 with a college degree, unemployed, and live at home. I have a hard time holding long term relationships with people, could sometimes pass as crazy, and I'm often unsure of why people still talk to me.
The truth is, life sucks sometimes. Sure things make you happy here and there, but sometimes there seems to be no end to the bad sh*t.
This is my only advice for the day; find your rock. Find the thing that brings you back to sanity and focus on that and only that. Maybe it's a person, or maybe it's a thing. Either way, find your solace and stick to it.
Without my rock, my life would be worse off than it is right now. Without my anchor, I would just floating away into the sea, becoming more lost than I am already.
I hope this advice will reach someone who really needs it. If not, sorry but writing helps me sort out my thoughts. You could say it was my second anchor when I need a little extra help.
To my readers, thank you for keeping up and reading what I have to say. Promises for a more upbeat blog within the next day or two!
I doubt this is news to anyone, but where the hell did everyone's morality and respect go?! I feel like as time goes on, our generations continue to get worse and develop these awful habits. The terrible part is, everyone thinks what they do is ok!
Everyone makes mistakes, but some people have adapted to this "I don't give a f*ck about you and your relationship" type of life. How can you live with that life? I will never understand.
I've watched many girls and guys have no self respect for themselves - and definitely no respect for a relationship - and blatantly hit on someone while their significant other is right there. Where is your dignity, for one? Two, do you really think anyone will respect you for hitting on them while the person they actually care for is right beside them?
I have, too, experienced this first hand. Women thinking it's ok to get a little flirty while I'm standing right there, or knowing that my boyfriend is taken. Come on. Also, if a guy is coming after me, why would I not tell him?
This is the game that some people love to play. They've played so much, they don't always see it as a game anymore, but as a habit. Unfortunately, it's still a game to those pathetic beings out there.
As our generation is getting older, we are picking up these disgusting habits, as is the generation below us because we make it seem ok. Well it's not.
This is how you uncaring, disrespectful, beings look to someone who has dignity.
Really, you can't already tell? That guy has a girlfriend and you just walked up to him and started talking to and touching him. Do you not think you look like a slut? Or are you just that relentless? Probably relentless. Look at yourself.
Like a whore.
Exactly. If you even wanted a chance with that person, you lost it. They think you just want in their pants for the night. If you do, then I guess pry away, it's a lost cause anyway. You've also now gained a great rep!
Are you really that desperate that you can't find someone who is single? Don't even try that "there's nobody out there" sh*t. Going after taken people makes you look desperate, therefore pathetic too.
No, not carefree, CARELESS. You don't give a f*ck about this person you find attractive's relationship, so why should they think you care about anything. You don't care about either parties' feelings, it's just all about you. So you are also..
You want this person regardless of their status. It's not about what they want, you are looking to please yourself only. I'm sorry, can you say pathetic again?
Like you're lacking self-esteem.
I may not have great self-esteem, but this act is showing you are a zero on that scale, and there's no chance of finding any buried within. Purposely going after this person is showing them that you have nothing to lose and don't think highly what-so-ever of yourself. Be classy.
You must think you have a chance if you even try. Some people may like that cockiness you have that you are so much better than the one they're with. For me, that's utterly unappealing and you can shove your cockiness up your a**.
Like you're a f*cking child.
I obviously have no respect for these people. Grow up and find someone for you the old fashioned way. Is it even old fashioned to talk to someone single?
Gain some respect, for yourself and others, and stop these habits from spreading.
Life isn't always perfect. Altercations happen, and you don't end every conversation pleasantly. Sometimes, you don't even fix what's wrong and don't resolve things with people.
This could be the biggest regret in your life. Leaving on a bad note is never a good thing, but it's not always avoidable. You can try your best to avoid it, but that doesn't mean the other person will feel the same.
Either way, you can't plan life. Fights happen, people get angry and upset, and leaving to get away and cool down is often a great solution.
But what if, what if those words were the last you would have with that person? How often do you think of someone from your past and try and remember the last thing said? Do you want that to be how things end between you and them?
It's not easy to contact someone and say you're sorry or something positive, so that your last communication wasn't screaming nasty things. Although, if you want to "end" things on a better note, contacting them is worth the risk.
However, you can fix the future. You can make sure things don't end like they have before.
Always tell your loved ones they are loved.
We don't always say I love you when or as often as we should. We hang up the phone or leave a house with barely a goodbye. When there's a fight, you usually leave the conversation without any kind of goodbye, which is ok. But that brings me to..
Don't hold grudges.
As you sometimes want to take all the time in the world to get over a fight, you should really try to fix it sooner than later. If you need a good amount of time to cool down, don't forget to let this person know that no matter where you two stand, you still care about them. Best decision you will make.
Think, is the fight worth losing the person?
Sometimes these fights end a relationship you have with a person. How important is this fight to you? If it's possible to be the bigger person and let it go, then do. Having people in your life is more important than losing someone over something silly. Although, some fights do tear people apart, so..
Make your words the last words.
Not everyone is going to stay in your life forever. You're going to have to let some people go. Whether it's your idea, their idea, or mutual, don't leave it at a "fine" or "ok." Try saying something like you're sorry it had to be this way. That is easier said then done, but if you're willing, try it out.
Don't live with regrets.
As you don't want to live with the fact that things ended badly with some people, sometimes you have to accept it. You can't control everything in your life, but it's just important to know you tried your best. Also, don't regret if you don't know your last words with someone or feel they weren't perfect. The thing is to remember the good times and everything that made you smile.
Relationships between people will always be up and down and have highs and lows. The best you can do is forgive, try to forget and show love when possible.
Chelsea Blake: My views on life and writing whatever my heart desires.