I never really would have pin pointed myself as someone with depression. I live my life, things make me happy, others make me angry, and some things make me extremely sad. I would have put myself into a category of an average girl with crazy emotions. Now, I question if I was wrong.
I started noticing my lows being lower than normal when I was in my teens. Things would upset me more than I thought they should and I would lose it. First anger, then constant sadness and isolation. I never really talked about it with anyone and just hid it away. I figured it was nothing to really talk about or get into so why burden anyone else with my problems?
Today, I notice it coming up more than it did when I was younger. I get so low that I'd rather just stay in bed than do anything else. I want to be positive about everything, but eventually I get down and have a hard time getting back up. Something seems to happen almost every day that makes me say "life sucks." I want to be someone who is happy with their life, and I should be. I'm not homeless or without food, I have a job; I should be thankful, right?
As I am not sad all the time, I like to believe that I feel as anyone else would day to day. Things make you upset, you have a little set back, and eventually you move on. I still question if it's different though. Some people seem to not deal with such sadness I face as often as I do and I wonder what that's like. I strive for the day I am able to wake up every morning happy and feeling invincible. Will I ever have that?
I've thought about going to talk to someone about my feelings and actions, and I am all for getting help. I just have not found the extra push to do so. I encourage anyone out there feeling as I do to seek help if you think it is needed. Just talking with someone and have them sort out your life for you sounds like a good idea to me.
For now, I will write in my blog because in a way, it helps me sort out my feelings. As I said, I'd like to do more. Being a happy person is what I want for myself, and settling for only 50% of the time is just not cutting it.
Chelsea Blake: My views on life and writing whatever my heart desires.