As I was growing up, I felt like I always needed to depend on someone. I thought that I always needed to be around someone, be constantly talking to someone, or it would be like I didn't exist. Like I didn't matter.
For all my life, I would go through depressed states where I felt alone. My loneliness would overcome my entire mood, and I would wonder why I was even here.
My fear of being alone was so strong for the first 18 years of my life. I never wanted to go anywhere alone, I'd find someone to go with me. I felt awkward sitting alone places. Being alone anywhere made me anxious.
As time went on, I learned to do things alone. I didn't always need to, but I could do it. I eventually got to a place where I could eat in public places alone and often prefer to shop solo.
There was still one problem; I felt I needed so many friends and to be in contact or hang out with said friends often. This is one of my biggest insecurities I've dealt with and for the most part overcame.
I came to terms with it finally after all these years, I'm a loner, an independent. I don't spend most days with people to just be around people, I spend time with me and I'm ok with that.
I love my friends and spending time with them when I can, don't get me wrong. No longer though will I chase after so called friends. Never again will I put so much on the line to keep a friend who does not care. I am perfectly ok with the people in my life and any that come along who prove to care.
Recently, I have learned to love my life. I enjoy being somewhat independent and I'm happy with who I have in my life. I still suffer from being insecure and occasionally depressed, but I hope to kick them to the curb someday.
Not everyone lives the same life. You may spend all your time with friends, or you may spend a lot of time alone. Whoever you are, learn to love that life and who you are. If you don't accept it, you'll have a hard time being happy.
If you are the loner type and do things solo, embrace it! Try more things by yourself and spend time with you. You'll learn more than you knew about yourself than before!
Chelsea Blake: My views on life and writing whatever my heart desires.